My approach to working with couples is unique. Various Couples Systems, like Gottman Method, Or EFT focus on the couple itself. While I focus on the couple I also include each individuals issues and limitations in relating sometimes in the context of couples session which can be very effective and sometimes in the context of individual sessions between our joint couples sessions. This actual allows each partner to resource new possibilities within themselves which translates in the couple to greater potential for continual state of renewal and intimacy. What this generally means is that each partner opens more to themselves and consequently is more able to reach deeper mutual understanding and acceptance of each other. This is not a static thing, it is rather a growing open door to each other, There is greater authenticity and realness in relating, while simultaneously greater vulnerability to his or her own nature. This is an effective and profound shift for the couple.
There are many issues that will bring couples in for help to restore, or renew love and mutuality. I will discuss a few of these issues here. If you don’t see yourself here please feel free to call me with any concerns you may have as I work with a wide variety of couples issues. In our first session, we will explore what each of your concerns are in your relationship and what you both want to get out of our work together.
Couples often hit difficult or stuck places where it seems like nothing gets resolved thing keep recycling sometimes in different forms. This is when couples therapy can be helpful.
Most couples complain about communication is an issue. This can show up in variety of ways. Sometimes it can mean one person or both people don’t feel the other person is really hearing or understanding them.
Another communication pattern that challenges a relationship is that one or both partners actually don’t know how to communicate feelings effectively. I can offer you a safe place where I will support and help you learn how to communicate to each other and learn how to really hear each other. This begins to heal the broken channel of communication bringing a sense of positivity and renewal enlivening the love and connection that are beyond words.
Sometimes couples are interested in changing the other partner or “fixing” them. This can be a complex issue. I will help you learn how to simply be with each other in a non judgmental way, that is both supportive and empathetic. You become allies, as you both work on your own self understanding and self growth.
There are many issues which prevents intimacy and connection. One big issue for couples which closes the door on mutual connection is your Inner Critic. Sometimes called “K-judge” the radio station in your head which can be not only oppressive on your own but when that happens in relationships it is a killer of deepening connection, intimacy and sexuality and it has an overall depressing effect on the happiness in the couples’s union. We will work with that. I will help you and guide you in disengaging these undermining judgments. Check out recommended books for a start.
Another important issue in relationships has to do with vulnerability. Our usual defenses stop us from feeling our vulnerability and move us away from that which can be a doorway to the next level of intimacy and growth in your relationship. In a safe space we will explore this doorway opening to greater levels of intimacy and connection.
My approach in working with couples includes sometimes working with one partner or both partners in a session to help bring greater conscious awareness of the particular issues that affect the relationship. This then helps us work out what is needed with understanding, respect and kindness for each other.
I may use experiential communication experiences between you and your partner which can be a potent way of working through difficult impasses and/or bring your communication to a whole new level of intimacy in the moment. I may coach you in this process to help you both to really articulate more completely what is going on for you and get heard !
My work will create movement & growth in your relationship. I will help you discover your lovability. We will work with undefended love in a safe space while supporting you to take risks and experience new capacities . This creates an open space in your relationship for you to be authentically yourself and connected and intimately relationally contactful. New potentialities are possible with each other as you deepen your love and mutuality while opening a dimension of love never thought possible.
As your connection with yourself and each other deepens the space between you becomes precious. Anything is possible, as the great mystery of your union unfolds. as your soul moves towards knowing the beloved as yourself and as each other. It is my great pleasure to share space with both of you as you open to yourselves and to eachw other.
Organic Approach to Working with Couples :
I call my work organic in that we work with what is needed in your relationship. This can look like individual work or conjoint work in a session together. It can mean we meet weekly or bi-monthly or monthly. Some couples can benefit from working individually in some sessions without their partner present followed by couples session or some variation like that. Sometimes extended sessions are offered if that works best for you. It is organic, meaning we work with what is best for your ever evolving process.