Here Comes the Judge or How to Tame your Inner Critic
You don’t leave home without an inner critic. Until you are ready to disengage from this inner voice which can be crippling, you are not free to be yourself and accept yourself as you are.
The critic actually steals your aliveness, your creativity, and your potentiality to be all that you can be. It can affect your full ogasmic potential and your ability to feel pleasure. It is constantly measuring you up against an inner ideal or comparing you to others and you don’t measure up . You can feel shame, devalued, diminished, defective, and deficient. It’s tyrannical force can leave you feeling devastated and depressed and not capablel of feeling joy and happiness or know what your real limitations are.
Even without your full knowledge the voice of the critic can be operating in the background . There are many ways you can disengage from the inneFirst off, you need to recognize it by becomeing aware of how you beat yourself up. An important need to know about the aim of this structure is that it is telling you who you are so that you don’t change. It does this by using your aggression
against you in its judgements and attacks to make sure you don’t change. The impact of this aggressive force is to make sure nothing inside you can literally breath and feel alive and grow.
Defending against the inner critic means you are no longer accountable to it’s standards and points of view about you. So instead of having a conversation with it which can signify tacit agreement, you can disavow its comments. Do this with some force and energy behind it for it to be effective. You can use what ever words work for you , to get it to “shut up”. This can work for some attacks but may not work for all self criticisms. What is normal is that it can come back over and over again. At the beginning you need to be mindful of its attempts to get you to engage.
The good news is that there are actually many different ways of disengagement. Some will work for some types of attacks and not so well for others. Be creative and try many different ways to disengage your inner critic. The truth is you would never let anyone else talk to you the way your inner critic does.
If you are successful with your disengagement you will immediately know. You will feel an instant sense of relaxation, expansion and an aliveness, you become present in the moment.
Other ways of disengaging from this inner violence is to use what the Buddhist’s call, “loving kindness” with yourself for the enormity of the dificulty you are facing. It has been around inside you for many years and it doesn’t want to let go. The inner voice as strange as this may sound, can function like a “friend inside you” keeping you company. So letting go of this “friend” can be huge jump in your sense of well being and growth.
Sometimes what we need is more realistic expectationgs of ourselves since our critic is wanting us to measure up to its notion of “perfection” which is simply not possible. This can make a big difference. When you are simply
unable to disengage on your own and this is where you need help from a therapist to work with difficult places, or find a the depth of kindness you need with yourself. You can also engage a real friend to help you with the energy you need or the words you need to defend yourself from your inner abuser.
The Critic is sneaky too, because it can judge you on how well you are doing disengaging your innner critic. So watch out and be very kind with yourself. In fact the btter you get at disengaging your critic the sneakier it gets. It has your intelligence!
Using humor is a spontaneous way of disengaging your critic and not taking yourself so seriously. It instantly lightens things up and in actuality it s great fun as you feel the joy of freedom from your critic.
So I wish you good luck in ferreting out the judge. In therapy with me I will help you disengage from the inner critic so our work together can be effective.
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